It’s truly incredible that a person can be in the process of pushing a baby out and yet still be aware enough to apologize to their support team. As Canadians, we love to apologize, but you get a free pass when you’re having a baby. Here are the top five things you’ve gotta stop apologizing for while you’re giving birth!
1. Calling us
“I’m so sorry I woke you up! So I’ve been having these contractions…”
This is a big one. We know that you probably don’t want to wake someone up at 2am if you’re not even really sure that this is “it”. However, please don’t apologize for calling your midwife, nurse, or doula at any time. Promise, we WANT to hear from you- even in the middle of the night- and no one is going to be upset if it’s a false alarm. We are all really really good at going back to sleep until you need us.
2. Asking for what you need
“I’m sorry, can you pass me my water bottle? Thanks. But wait, how are you? Do you need anything?”
Counter pressure? A new position? A pep talk? You got it. Asking for what you need can feel uncomfortable, but it’s really important to feel comfortable enough with your team to say what’s on your mind. During our prenatal visits, we’ll talk about how we can communicate during labour and how we can make asking for (and getting) what you need way easier.
3. Anything that comes out of you
“OMG, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that just happened.”
You probably already figured this, but seriously: we’ve seen it all before. And it doesn’t gross us out in the slightest. Instead of apologizing for throwing up in transition, use that energy to yell “PUKE BAG!” instead. Birth is a messy process during which a lot comes out of you (and we don’t just mean a baby). It’s all a part of the journey and your support team can handle whatever you throw (or leak) their way.
4. Everything you can’t control
“I’m sorry, you must be so tired!”
Did your water break at midnight? Did the monitor on your belly slip out of place? Your labour is super long? Please, please, please don’t apologize for these things. You don’t need to feel bad for things you can’t control and worrying about inconveniencing your team is taking up precious mental space and energy that you need for other things- like giving birth.
5. Your emotions
“I’m really sorry for being so emotional, I don’t know why I’m crying…”
We do! You’re having a baby. And that process is physical and emotional. Sometimes, we don’t understand our own emotions during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum- and that can feel disorienting or confusing for some people. Emotional dystocia is a thing and sometimes all you need is a good cry (or laugh, or vent, or really anything else) for labour to continue moving along. Don’t stress- and please, don’t apologize for it (or, if you must, wait until the baby is here and you’ve had a nap. You’ll feel better then.).
Are you someone that loves to apologize for… well, everything?
Let’s talk about how adding a doula to your team can help you feel confident and ready to ask for- and get- what you need.
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